Saturday, October 3, 2009
|10:44 AM|
Thinking back... All the things that i did.. All the setbacks i had.. All the consequences of my actions.. i had to bear them on my own.. Yet I'm too weak.. Everything was the same as primary school... Hated by classmates, Loner, Very few friends, Poor results.. The only thing that is different is that i dun have anyone to talk to at home, no one to confide my secrets and sadness to.. The difference is that I'm not as close as last time to my brother.. Thinking back.. I've overcame so many setbacks.. Yet I'm giving up now.. Perhaps it is because I've lost all my strengths.. I tried to cheer people up.. Tried to encourage them.. Yet it isn't as easy as it seems.. I'm bound to be a failure.. Thinking back.. I chased people away at times when i needed them the most.. Been asking myself, 'For what?' The answer came.. 'The only way to make myself stronger.' Perhaps, i can never be strong again.. Tried very hard to be positive.. Tried very hard to make people around me happy.. Yet i failed.. Perhaps this is the message God wants to tell me? That I'm never strong? That I'll fail in everything i do? That i should give up? Thinking back again.. The things i did that made people give up on me. Been asking myself, 'For what?' The answer came, 'The only way to make myself grow stronger is to make people around you give up on you.' Perhaps its true? I remembered that there was once, someone tried to encourage me. I don't know if that person still remembers it. Perhaps not? I've chased that person away when i was emoing.. Well.. That person didn't know it either.. Perhaps its true.. That I'm meant to be a loner.. Thinking back.. Thinking of the happy days i had.. Tried to count them.. I couldn't.. Why? There are too little.. The days when I'm really happy.. I remembered that i wrote the topic 'Guilty' in my Paper1. I'm feeling those feelings now.. I still can remember what i wrote.. I could write it so easily is because i been through it before.. Yet I'm going through it now.. I'll post again when I'm feeling emo..
Lost and Never to be Found
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